Curiosity.

One of the most important mental/emotional states I have as a therapist is curiosity but it's probably not for the reason one thinks.

For years I worked with REALLY difficult clients, guys who had done really bad things to other people, guys with lots of trauma, situations that were just about as dark as dark can get. What kept me sane and safe? You guessed it, Curiosity.

Curiosity helps me keep some distance from the story client is telling. What was their logic? Why did they think that was the best option? How have they made sense of these things happening? Curiosity helps me keep some perspective on my own feelings. Why am feeling what I am feeling in this situation? What exactly is making me uncomfortable and why in this story? Is there anything I'm surprised about in my reaction to this story? Curiosity helps me remember that my relationships have a purpose. Why is this client telling me this story now? How can I use this moment to help this person make better decisions in the future? How do I meet this person in this moment in a way that shows I see their value as a fellow human being?

I'm sharing this because I've been finding this lens incredibly helpful for dealing with the current circumstances both in, and more importantly, out of sessions. Here are just a few examples of where I find myself getting curious about my life...

Why have I never noticed how much I use sugar to deal with my emotions and what might I do with that afterwards? How much of my prior spending was an attempt to deal with social anxiety (because it's been real easy not to spend now that I don't have to see anyone)? How much social anxiety do I actually experience but just haven't been acknowledging? How do I approach therapy differently when it's not in person and are there ways this is better? Why do I set the schedule I do when I'm the one totally in control of setting it-perhaps there are better ways? What is my relationship with my house-what are the rooms that I really like being in when I have to be in it all the time and what are the rooms I avoid? How can I make all the rooms I live in feel better? Why have I neglected some of my houseplants and not others? Why are some people not social-distancing at all? Why do I find myself struggling the most with my anxiety in the evenings but not in the mornings-is there something I can do with that? How can i help the people around me? These are just a few of the examples of where I'm getting curious but I think you get the idea. This curiosity gives me some space from my discomfort and it helps me keep some perspective.The times we are going through right now are so unique. Sure they are scary, uncertain, and disruptive, but let us not miss the fact that they are also INTERESTING.

There is so much we can learn about ourselves, our relationships, and our environments by going through this if we can hold some curiosity.